Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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