so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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