I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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