there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
