oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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