Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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