i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
