In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
