mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
