You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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