I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
