4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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