I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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