Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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