Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
