when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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