I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
