Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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