it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
