I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
