I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
