did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
