Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
