I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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