dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
