just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
