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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
