I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
