My first STD was from a foam party
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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