cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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