What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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