he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
