is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
