i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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