So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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