I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
