So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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