Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
