Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
