The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
