would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
