Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
