ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
