I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize