I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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