It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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