Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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