I don't usually arrange sex via text message
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
try to milk me bitch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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