Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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