Just fell off a train. Bad.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
