..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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