I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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