I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize