i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
