I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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