Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
