I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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