I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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