just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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