It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
