I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
