i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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